Submissive to dominant BDSM

How do you identify a submissive?

Before you identify a submissive, you first need to know what a submissive is. A submissive is a person male/female who aims to please their dominant; they like when they are ordered around and, does what they are told.

A Sub, short for submissive has the desire to please and serve another, usually someone they desire and look up to, and are called True Submissive in the BDSM community. Being a pet, slave and servant is not a role for a True Submissive it’s just who they are as a person, and there are no other roles they can fulfill.

Are they A Switch?

What is a switch in BDSM? A switch is someone who switches between the role of both dominant and submissive between a play. A switch means they are neither true Dom nor true Sub and their role depends on the play.

Or Are they A Submissive?

How do you know you are submissive? If you are interested in BDSM or perhaps your partner wants to try, and you want to know if the submissive role is right for you. Then you must look into your personality and ask yourself a few questions;

Does serving someone you care for makes you happy?

If your answer is Yes, then you just might be a Sub!

Or do you look for someone to help you make an important decision in your life?

If you find making a crucial decision on your own difficult, then you might be a submissive.

Does having your partner take control in the bedroom pleases you?

I only use these questions to see if you have similar traits of a submissive. Even if all your answers are Yes, this doesn’t mean you are a True Submissive. Since being a Sub means handing over all your control to your Dom hopefully, this is someone you trust. You have to enjoy giving up control and following orders if this makes you uncomfortable then you are not a Sub after all.


How To Be Submissive To A Dominant?

Some people believe that a dominant is responsible for the pleasure of both roles experience in BDSM; this is wrong.

Communication As The Submissive

Being submissive doesn’t mean you are passive; you are a participant just like the Dom, and you have chosen this role as well as to act in this play and scene. Similar to the Dom you want all your fantasies and desires fulfilled; this just happens to be catering to the wishes of another.

It is vital you and your dominant have a clear communication beforehand; this means setting parameters and identifying safe words. Ensure that your safe word is something out of the ordinary and will not come up in a scene, for example, the color red. If you intend to wear a gag, make sure you have a hand signal for communication.

The words SSC: Safe, Sane and Consent are in full effect since as a submissive you must be comfortable with everything your Dom is doing to you.

You are not a Doormat

Being a good submissive doesn’t mean you are a doormat since this may lead to abuse in a relationship. A submissive is their own person; they have their views and can stand up for themselves. You, as a submissive just enjoy giving up control in the bedroom or for some throughout the relationship.

Choose the Right Dominant

Not everyone is the perfect Dom; there are people with bad intentions and wants to use and abuse you. True submissive find pleasure in giving up control to your Dom and some may see this as a sign of weakness and want to exploit this. With that said, your DOM should care for you and makes you comfortable.

Submission Must Be Your Choice

A healthy BDSM relationship means that the submissive has the right to choose what they are submitting to, and whether they obey should be their choice. You should not feel like you are force in doing anything you don’t want to do, although it may seem so in a play. If you are forced to do things you don’t consent to, take the time to look over your relationship or end it if necessary.

Support And Respect Your Dom

Support your Dom especially when you want him to be your dominant in your daily life. Just like being a submissive, being a dominant can be scary, and when you support each other, the partnership will be successful. 

Respect is a big deal in the BDSM community if you don’t respect and obey your Dom. A Dom will not take disrespect from their sub, and you’ll bound to be punished. However, if you obey your Dom, and does what they tell you to do, you’ll be rewarded.

Know Your Limits

You need to identify your limits and make sure you know where you are not willing to go. If your Dom does not respect your limits, they are not the one for you.

Final Thoughts

Following these simple traits makes you a good submissive, but like every relationship, it’s a give and take, between the Dom and the Sub. Just make sure everything in your play and relationship is safe, sane and consensual.

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