BDSM

What Is BDSM? An Introduction To BDSM

On my journey to learn more about sex and my own sexuality and, after weeks of researching, and a mild introduction of BDSM in the bedroom. I have found that my naïve views on the topic are far from the real thing. The only BDSM I have seen was on the movie Fifty Shades of Gray and series Netflix’s Bonding. Therefore, as of now, my entire views on BDSM has changed, and I’m proud to say I have tasted a little.

Here what I have learned from my experience.

What Does BDSM Stand for?

BDSM stands for- BD- Bondage and Discipline. DS- Dominance and Submission. SM-Sadism and Masochism.

Bondage

Bondage involves the dominant restraining the submissive partner by using chains, collars, leashes or ropes. With accessories, the Dom bond the submissive and can perform any sexual act he/she wishes. Bondage is a great way to introduce BDSM to the bedroom and goes hand in hand with discipline.

Discipline

Discipline involves the dominant giving out instruction and the submissive following them. With discipline, the dominant restricts the submissive from doing anything else other than what the dominant ask to do. Failed to obey, may lead to punishment.

Dominance and Submission

BDSM requires a clear division of power, and the dominant and submissive role define this. Most people believe that the dominant hold all the power but, this is a common misconception since the submissive hold some power.

The Dom takes control of most of the power and is responsible for his/her partner’s pleasure once the scene starts. The Dom care for the submissive making sure no harm comes to him/her. However, the submissive can stop the scene when they say the safe word. The dominant must obey the safe word immediately, and at this moment he/she has relinquished all of their power to the submissive.

Sadism and Masochism

Sadism is enjoying the act of inflicting pain while Masochism is enjoying pain inflicting to them. Infliction of pain for pleasure I must confess, I can’t wrap my head around it. But, For a BDSM lover pain is an instrument that leads to satisfaction. With sadism, the dominant use toys to inflict pain on the submissive, this form of play keeps the submissive in check.

BDSM Has Their Own Language

saxy woman bdsm
Sexy woman in underwear posing with whip, bdsm

 Safe word=stop –A safe word is a unique word that the submissive says during a BDSM scene which means the session should end. As the sub feels things should end since he/she has reached their limit. This can happen if the dominant reaches the submissive Hard limit. They agree on the safe words in advance and are words that don’t come up naturally during the session.

A switch- Is someone who switches between a dominant or submissive role.

Hard Limit- An act the sub will not do or tolerant under any circumstances; for example, a submissive will set any acts that involve pee as a hard limit.

Soft Limit– Is an act the sub can tolerant in some moderation.

Scene–refers to the setting and where the scene is taking place.

Play- refers to the acts that are taking place.

The Dominant Take Care Of The Submissive

Trust

Both partners have a high level of trust to ensure the session goes smoothly without disaster. The play is risky sometimes, and the submissive should be comfortable knowing that the dominant will stop immediately when the sub says the safe word.

Communication And Consent

Communication before and during every scene is important for a pleasurable play. Before starting, both parties should consent to all the activities performed and also discuss the safe word beforehand. As the scene continues, he/she may reveal some signals when the submissive is in any distress or if he/she requires a break. Without communication, the dominant would not know when to stop and may end up hurting their partner.

Safety

If you want to embark on the journey of BDSM safe play is needed since every toy comes with its own set of guidelines. If you have any questions about any toys, you are using, make sure you do your research. As a dominant, it is your responsibility to ensure no harm comes to the submissive and as the submissive, you must let the dominant know when you have reached your limit.

Aftercare

Similar to cuddling after sex, check with your partner to see if he/she is OK. Depending on the session, it can sometimes be intense. While aftercare focuses on the submissive, the dominant needs care too.

BDSM Myth

The Submissive are forced

If you are performing BDSM correctly, then it should be two consensual parties taking part in a scene. Although it may look like the sub is being forced but in reality, they control the session, and it happens in both parties own terms with trust and communication. 

BDSM is a great way to spice up your sex life and be either dominant or submissive in the bedroom.

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